Monday, 1 June 2015

Is picky a bad thing?

or more . . . can you be too picky?

Courtesy of We Heart It.

This topic is due to various thoughts I've been having (or worst having thrust at me) & so it's fair to say that I've been mulling it over (& over) & so figured I'd share & find out other peoples opinions on pickiness (or standards). 

The obvious clarifications - I am single, not dating & worst of all nearing 30. I think this age factor has a lot to do with why I am considered 'picky'.

I've also had to admit that, alas, I have a type. Not ideal it would seem, where many may think it makes things easier, in my town (small town may I add) it would appear to actually make things harder. Combine a type & a few 'not acceptable' & my relationship status that leads to the idea that people have that I am too picky. Perhaps I am, but in some regards I am just not sure it is a bad thing. Surely some things you should stick to when it comes to that potential 'someone' who you could spend your life with (be it a month, 6 months, a couple of years, or (the ideal I think we all have) the forever).

I did the frivolous nature of things when I was significantly younger & I think there comes a time in everyone's life where perhaps frivolous can be no more; or at least suppressed, on top of which, the reality is that I am a bit of a hopeless romantic (I grew up watching Disney - yep blaming Disney).

My issue is that I am just not sure that picky (or particular) is a bad thing, I do think everyone can be 'too picky' when it impacts everything, but I strongly believe that the essence of us should be kept safe for the special people that deserve to get through the armour. Is it really wrong to feel that common ground is important, or to want people who have similar hopes, dreams & life considerations, should I really accept poor manners because then maybe I won't be single? I'm just not sure.

I don't believe I have an insane & lengthly criteria list (the having a type; tall, dark, handsome, particular mannerisms aside) I just have things that are intrinsic to who I am as me & surely if I am to be with someone, in whatever capacity, for whatever length of time & there is the chance that they will end up in my bed with me, then having standards or similar is understandable? Hmmm . . . or perhaps that is my problem. I hope not.

So what is a no go for me? 
Age - I just think at nearly 30, I'm not okay with someone who is the same age as my youngest brother.
Manners - I'm sorry but 'please', 'thank you' & common courtesy is really important to me.
Kindness - in all forms, including for others & an ability to accept people no matter what (mental health, friends with differing opinions etc all exist in my life & as such I need someone who can deal with that).
No games - of any form, or people who are prepared to view me (& try to make me into a ) 'wham bam, thank you mam', one night stand individual. I'm not one of those, I'm not okay with it & I don't want someone who's one interest is my knickers!
Family orientated - my family are important to me, so it's important that someone values that also with their own family & are prepared to embrace the insanity of mine, that being said my 'family' also for me includes my dearest & most valued friends, so they matter here too.

Are those things really things that make me 'too picky'?
Is valuing aspects of your self & trying to see yourself as worth certain things a negative trait to have?
Do you have things you cannot abide & things you so hope for in your significant other?

Should people toss things aside & become more reckless with their hearts & see a more haphazard, carefree, 'sod it' approach to relationships & dating or would that be dangerous?

Should I really embrace 'the kisses' even from 21 year olds because they are 'just kisses' (& burn 26 calories per 10 minutes) or should I be allowed to keep some of my 'dos & don'ts'?

Are you picky? Is it okay & more does it matter if someone is picky?